The Good, The Dumped and The Naked

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 Title: The Good, The Dumped and The Naked
Category: Humour
Rating: PG
Co-written with Exploded Pen.
Summary: "Cadman! I... what do you mean, what am I doing... in the buff and in Carson's room... what are YOU doing here?"
Authors' Note: The latest round of pass-the-parcel dialogue exchange on MSN Messenger, inspired by this icon:

Nekkid Rodney :D

"Cadman! I... what do you mean, what am I doing... in the buff and in Carson's room... what are YOU doing here?"
"I was coming to see my boyfriend! What are you doing here?"
Carson's head poked out from the duvet "He was umm.....umm....checking the plumbing....."
"In the buff?!"
Rodney nodded vigorously "So I don't get crap on my clothes....."
Cadman raised her eyebrows. "You know, they have engineers for that kind of thing..."
Rodney squinted at her. "Well, I'm just brushing up on... brushing up on..." He stopped, his face bright red.
"Your skills, Rodney..." Carson offered from the bed. "Laura," he continued, "what a..." He buried himself further under the duvet.
"So tell me Carson," Cadman said casually, "Why is Rodney checking the your bed?"
"He got cold," Carson offered lamely
Rodney nodded vigorously. "It's the Atlantean version of summer at the moment, very humid -- I could get foot rot, you know. And, um, Carson offered to help me..."
"Cool down..." Carson blushed.
"But you just said he was cold," Cadman replied, smiling serenely.
"So I'm bipolar," Rodney blurted. "It's common knowledge," he added, trying to smirk.
"Uh huh," Cadman nodded once and glared at Rodney, "I take it you've given Carson's pipes a full examination?"
There was a muffled snort and both men blushed. "Yes, I gave them a...thorough going over," Rodney managed
"And everything's in full working order?" Cadman was smiling sweetly now.
Rodney's eyebrows shot up. "Well, I... that is to say -- I can't say for certain, I'm just the chief Scientist, uh... I think I hear my lab exploding!" he added shrilly. He spun around on the spot. "Carson, where did you put my shirt?"
"It's here," said Cadman tossing him the shirt, she nodded her head towards the desk, "Your boxers are there."
Rodney snatched the items of clothing off her and clutched them to his chest, staring defiantly at Cadman. The bedsheet still hung loosely around his waist.
"Go on, go on -- turn around!" he ordered, making shooing motions at Cadman.
She cocked her head to one side. "And once again, nothing I haven't seen before, Rodney," she smirked.
On the bed, Carson paled even further, and as surreptitiously as he could, tried to pass Rodney his socks from the bedside table.
Cadman glanced around the room, then reached up and plucked a pair of underpants from off the top of the wardrobe. "Wow," she commented, "You must have been seriously neglecting your plumbing, Carson."
Rodney made a choking noise and tried to hurry out the door, Cadman leisurely reached out an arm to stop him.
Rodney squealed, and backed away from the suddenly scary-looking, imposing Marine-type creature. Back on the bed, Carson decided that sitting up really was the best policy. "Ah, so what does bring you here at... ooh, at five in the morning, Laura?" he asked as calmly and as sweetly as he could.
Cadman didn't take her eyes off Rodney. "So, am I going to get a -" she smirked, "- straight answer out of either of you two, or should I start growling and grunting?" she asked.
Rodney looked as though he was going to faint.
Carson glanced at Rodney and rolled his eyes skywards. "No, now unless it's something vitally important..." Carson began hesitantly...then paused...
"Seriously, lab exploding!" Pretty much dressed now, Rodney tried once again to make a break for the door.
Cadman gave Rodney a wolfish grin. "Me and you are gonna have words about your extra-curricular plumbing activities later," she promised.
Rodney gulped. Cadman meanwhile stepped to one side. Rodney didn't need to be told twice - he ran out without looking back, heading towards the nearest transporter.
Waiting for the door to close behind him, Cadman walked over to stand at the foot of Carson's bed. "I think it's time we had a talk," she told him, one hand on hip, the other tapping against her leg.
Carson nodded. "Yes...about us..."
"Yes, about us. Or should I say about you and the plumber?"
Carson smiled weakly. "There really is a -"
"Logical explanation, I know." Laura smiled down at him, and for the briefest moments Carson relaxed. "However," she continued, "I don't want to have to be the one who called Colonel Sheppard on omitting the "aliens made us do it" excuse from his mission report."
"Aliens?" Carson managed.
Cadman nodded. "How else can you and Rodney doing the horizontal tango be explained? I'm sure it's worn off now, though, right?" There was a steely glint in her eyes.
"Ah yes, yes!" Carson swallowed. "Aliens made us do it, that's exactly..."
He faltered for a second. "When Rodney came back from M742 yesterday... something about a blessing from the local priestess, and he couldn't keep his hands off me. I -- I... thought it was better me than some one from his science staff, and..."
"How self sacrificing of you," Cadman said. She smiled. "That's what I like about you, you're such a nice person!"
"Yep, that's me, Mr. Nice," Carson managed a wobbly smile, "So what can I do for you, love?"
Cadman grinned widely. "Well, to be honest, and not a little blunt, I came here to dump you. I think you were ahead of me though..." She cocked her head to one side again. "I hope we can still be friends, Carson."
Carson sighed in relief. "Oh thank God!"
Cadman quirked a brow. "I love you too, Carson."
Carson had the decency to blush.
Cadman headed for the door. "Oh, and Carson?" she asked, looking back over her shoulder.
"Tell Rodney that if he hurts you, he answers to me." And with that, Cadman was gone, the door closing behind her.

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